I’m at an odd point in my life right now. I seem to have far too much time, but also no time at all. For example, yesterday, I spent the majority of my day at school, immediately went to the mall to spend some quality time with my mom and finish off my holiday shopping, from there I went home to facetime my long-distance friend and do some chores, then drove to watch one of my best friends’ Nutcracker performance, and ended the night around eleven indulging in some Taco Bell with my friends. On the other end of the spectrum, I spent the entirety of today dancing around my kitchen, drinking tea, and reading self-help books.
I’m starting to realize these spurts of freedom and jocundity may not last forever. After all, I will be starting college next year, which essentially means entering the beginning stages of my adult life. And let me tell you something about my plans for the future: I plan to go ham. I plan to spend every day of my future grinding until I know that I have made a name for myself and I have done it in a way that I’m proud of.
Nevertheless, that is a chat for another time. Now, I want to talk about how I’m going to prepare myself using these last few months of second-semester-senior bliss.
I’ve been on a bit of a self-help kick recently, meaning that I have become somewhat obsessed with becoming the happiest, kindest, and most “myself” version of myself. Even though I am currently the happiest I have ever been, I want to get myself to a mental place where even when things don’t go as planned, I can bounce back into my happy self. This may seem slightly over-simplified, and that is because right now it is. Right now I have a goal, but the whole how-to-get-there part is still in the works.
The important part of this post is that for the first time in my life I am going to take a step back and focus on my well-being. This is not to say that I have lived my whole life until now in a deep hole of self-destructive angst, but instead that I have spent the majority of my life just kind of pushing through and suppressing any quality about myself that I was not pleased with. In my youth, my ideal self-improvement consisted entirely of making myself prettier, from whitening my to teeth to losing weight to covering blemishes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change your appearance, but there is a problem when your self-worth and mental health is derived from how pretty you feel.
But this is a new chapter of my life. I want to become the friend that everyone feels like they can trust and be open with. I want to help others without expecting anything in return. I want to be the type of person that brightens others’ days, and the list goes on.
To say the least, I’m excited!
Love you alottle,
Tori
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